Ultimate S.A.H.M.

Home Sweet Home is where I try to be the Ultimate SAHM

Home sweet home is my turf where I  want to be the Ultimate S.A.H.M. 

I’m very happy about being a stay at home mom, but I wasn’t always confident or secure with that identity. Now, after being home with 9 children, I can look back and see the benefits. I’ve had children that were at almost all the phases of life at the same time. We’ve had newborn babies, toddlers, middle school, high school, college, married children and grandbabies, all at the same time.

I sure don’t remember any classes in school on how to be the ultimate SAHM. Back in the day, this is how we were influenced to see things, mostly by TV. I hope our views have improved about the way we Moms live our lives now. It seemed like there were 3 kinds of women.

a) Women who appeared to be massively successful at raising their children and working a fabulous career at the same time. 10 out of 10 points to them! Oh my goodness, to be that amazing.

b) Women who were SAHM’s and stayed at home with their children and didn’t work a job at all. 1 out of 10 points to them. Yeah, we don’t get a lot of respect, right?

c) Then there were the women who worked long, hard hours at their jobs, for low pay. They had to juggle the kids, daycare, and keep their house civilized as well. 5 out of 10 points to them and a lot of sympathy because that’s a really rough road. Hang in there, girl, you’re doing your best.

The Bible talks about a woman who is the Ultimate S.A.H.M.

She is Amazing. Just read this:

  • The heart of her husband trusts in her. (He respects her judgment and abilities and no wonder, because her desire is to do her best for him. You’re rockin’ it, girl!)
  • She seeks wool and flax and works willingly with her hands. (Good job, woman! You’re willing to get down to it and do the work it takes)
  • She brings excellent food to her family (You’re not born with cooking abilities. She tries hard to learn the skills to find and prepare food that brings health, nutrition and pleasure to her family)
  • She rises while it is still nighttime and provides food for her household and her servants (My first thought…she has servants! Yes!)
  • She considers a field and buys it, then plants a vineyard with her own hands (She’s not a sitting around the house watching Netflix all day. She’s out there working the finances, the Real Estate and doing actual labor as well)
  • She is strong, (Physically strong, because she actually works with her hands and mentally tough because she’s figured out how to succeed in the work world)
  • She knows her merchandise is profitable and she works at her business into the night (Skilled and knowledgeable and is willing to work long hours)
  • She uses her own hands (to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle and makes handcrafted goods)

Not a bad a list, I’d say, but there’s more.

A Proverbs 31 woman is the Ultimate S.A.H.M.

  • She shares with the poor and actually helps the needy, personally (Kind and loving and she’s earned enough to share with the less fortunate. Only the wealthy can financially help others significantly, don’t knock it.)
  • She’s not worried about snow because her household is very well clothed. She makes her own quality bedding and clothes herself beautifully. (This girls understands that quality is important and she looks her best and makes sure her family looks good too)
  • She makes bed coverings for herself and her clothing is fine linen. (All I know is that handcrafted bed coverings would beat the thin, ##-Mart bedspread I’ve got)
  • Her husband is known in the gates, respected, when he sits among the elders of the land (Maybe it’s true that behind every good man is a good woman)
  • She makes linen garments and sells them and delivers things she makes to merchants (another business venture! First Real Estate, then a vineyard, and now handcrafted clothes)
  • She is strong and dignified, (It’s obvious the way she’s dressed, and by her appearance that she’s strong and dignified. I suspect that whatever she wears, she’d look fabulous, because she has strength of character that comes across the way she carries herself
  • She opens her mouth with wisdom, teaches kindness (Willing to share her knowledge to help others)
  • She looks well to the ways of her household and isn’t idle (She isn’t lazy and her first priority is her own family, beautiful)
  • Her children call her blessed. Her husband praises her. Her works praise her in the gates. (Great reputation, from her family to her community)
  • She knows that charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (This girl has rocked it beyond any other woman. She deserves whatever praise she gets)

Well, Girls, this is the goal.

If you are a stay at home mom wanting to be the ultimate S.A.H.M.; work hard, do your best and have your family love and appreciate you when it’s all said and done? Read Proverbs 31 for yourself. You’ll be inspired. I’m inspired to achieve more because when I dig deep, I know I can do better.I love flowers, they're like a ribbon on top

So, I used to be a stay at home mom and I did not get offended when people asked me if I worked, because I knew what they meant. But now I can say that I’m a Work At Home Mom. How does that sound? Are we on the same team?

Working from home is getting to be more and more popular. So, we are now hip! BTW, the new handle on the street is W.A.H.M., because that’s who we are, girls!

 

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Mama Wants to Look Good Too!

My life isn’t all kids, although that’s such a huge part of my life and I love it. I also have a business with makeup and skincare, so I recently took an amazing refresher course on fashion and style. I focused on learning to analyze body types and how to feature your best qualities and downplay our challenges. I still want to look good and not give up, and if I can learn a tip or two, then I’m going for it.

Mama wants to look good, tooIf the course had only taught about which clothes are in style right now, I’d have all the info I needed to go out and buy lots of fashionable outfits. Then I’d be in style right? I’ve noticed that certain trends are not always my best look so then what do I do?

Its so liberating to know that I can still look good, even if I’m not flaunting the latest fads in clothes because I’ve learned some tips and tricks to look my personal best. 

I’m not a fashion diva or a trend setter, Ha ha, I don’t know if that’s good news or bad news. I just have one goal. That is to look pretty wherever I am. If I’m going to watch sports, I’ll be wearing jeans, but my shoes will probably have sparkles, my makeup will be done and I’ll have some kind of top that’s girly.

I have friends who’s main goal is to be comfortable, whether its casual or fancy. I have other friends that are so trendy, they stand out in a crowd and beautifully show off the next season’s fashion hits and they look amazing. What’s your style and are you comfortable with it?

What did I learn, you ask?

  1. How to choose the best colors for me; the ones that will make my eyes come alive, my skin appear healthy and youthful; colors that show harmony, balance and confidence with my hair, skin and eyes.
  2. I learned about the different figure frames; who is lighter on top or bottom or straight or curvy. Everyone’s figure style has their own challenges and their own great features. Fashion isn’t always designed for your style. We learned some techniques to work with our own figures to look our very best. Mama still wants to look good!
  3. I learned how to accomplish an ‘all-together’ look. I didn’t always know how to do that. Do you know there are tips and tricks that help you look your personal best? What if you knew them and it could make the world of difference in your overall appearance and confidence?
  4. I learned why we should consider how we look when we’re dressing for success. I’m talking success in life, not just work. When we’re interacting with other people we are creating an impression about ourselves with our appearance.

Why is that important, you also ask?   😉

If you don’t care about fashion, or shop much, you should be asking ‘Why do I care?’ Well, here’s one thought. I have a friend who says that if she gets ready in the morning and knows she’s done her best to look nice and she looks appropriate for the occasion, then she can forget about herself and spend the rest of her day focusing on others.

Do you know that people watch you every day, looking for clues as to who you are. You know this is true because you do the same thing:) There’s so much that you can learn about others at a quick glance, but if you’re inadvertently sending out the wrong impression, you might be smothering your true message.

Here’s a few startling stats to give you some perspective about how women see themselves in the world.   http://dove.us

9/10 – girls want to change at least one physical trait.

6/10 – are so concerned about how they look, they won’t do normal daily activities that they’d like to do

4% – of women worldwide, think they’re beautiful, only 4%

72% – of women experience pressure to feel beautiful especially through social media

80% – of women think there’s something beautiful about themselves but they don’t know what it is.

7/10 – girls feel that they are not good enough to measure up, looks, school, etc.

98% – of girls feel pressure to look a certain way

92% – of teens want to change something about themselves and their weight is #1

4/5 – negative tweets on beauty are from women about themselves.

11% – of girls ages 10-17 are comfortable describing themselves as beautiful

Girls aspire to be confident. And 65% of girls  describe the women that they look up to, as confident.

Girls, Ladies, Women, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. These stats really tell a story about how we as women feel about ourselves. I feel empowered with some knowledge now that I can use some tips and tricks to look nice and then move forward to do what I’m called to do in this world.

I do quite a bit of speaking in business conferences, but this is a topic I really enjoy. I love flowers, they're like a ribbon on topWouldn’t you like to feel confident and empowered with some knowledge that you are prepared, and you look good and you don’t have to be self conscious?  

I can come and speak to your group and I can help you have the freedom to know that you look good and then you can get out there in world and get some stuff done!

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Successful Double Wedding? You need 5 Things!

Well, we did it. We successfully made it through 2 of our kids getting married at the same time, at the same church, with the same pianist and the same wedding coordinator and the same reception.  We used the same poor lady at the church to organize us all and we certainly gave her a run for her money. None of us had ever been to a double wedding, let alone planned one before. The funny thing was that when we announced the double wedding, no one assumed that we meant that it would be together, together! A lot of people thought we meant a week apart, or on the same weekend a day apart, but not us. We did it all together. I loved it.

Successful Double Wedding

Events overlap in a big family, so when our daughter, Abby, got engaged at Christmas time and said they wanted to get married soon, we had to figure something out quick. Michael and Nicole were already planning their wedding in 4 months. They started talking about different possibilities and came up with the idea of getting married together. I thought this was a crazy idea, but they were excited about it. Everyone wondered how they would get along and not get upset with each other, but that was no problem at all.

The challenge for us was in working out the details and one of the trickiest things was communication. I know, you’re thinking that communication is easy these days and it doesn’t matter where you are: Skype, Hangouts, Face Time, etc. but it’s not always that simple. With Abby in Oregon, Pete in Calgary, Michael and Nicole in Texas and the rest of us in Michigan, there were time zones, jobs and just plain old time constraints! The moment someone would have a great idea and we’d want to talk about it, someone else was sleeping or at work. But it all turned out to be absolutely amazing and truly beautiful. I’m so proud of everyone. It was the event of the season for our family.

You need 5 things to have a successful double wedding and I’m not talking about pretty flowers or big diamond rings. You need:

1. Unselfishness

Without being incredibly unselfish, the stress of it all will bring out the dark side! How do you agree with someone else on how to do your day if you are very selfish?! This is the day every girl dreams of, right? If you don’t get to have your own way with everything you ever dreamed of and wanted, wouldn’t that be unfair? I proud of them for being very unselfish.

2. Generosity

What I mean by that is to have a generosity of heart. An attitude that says, I want to give to the other person so they’ll be happy. It’s a word that means you’re willing to give or give in to another person even though it’s your day. What if you want pink and frills, and the other girl wants black and gold, you can’t resolve this if you’re not generous in your heart towards each other. There was only so much money for the wedding and it had to be shared between them and I watched them work together to make it all beautiful.

3. Flexibility

Ouch, being flexible can be a real toughie. It’s your day, right? So why shouldn’t you have things the way you want, and to have to be flexible, ugh, that means that you don’t get your own way. The ceremony was really tricky to plan out. 2 Brides, 2 Grooms, 3 sets of Mom’s and Dad’s. That was at least 10 people with important, valid thoughts and opinions! Now factor in 2 sets of bridesmaids, 2 sets of groomsmen, and 2 pastors. There was so much give and take and everyone was really sweet. Not only were they flexible with each other, but their bridesmaids and groomsmen put their own needs aside and really served the 2 couples.

4. Kindness

Kindness is the opposite of selfishness. Kindness involves the action of love. The girls planned so much of their double wedding together on the phone, for months before, but when they arrived at my house, 2 1/2 weeks ahead of time, all I saw was 2 girls having so much fun, doing all kinds of wedding, shower and bachelorette things together. I couldn’t have been happier with them. They treated each other with absolute kindness. You Go, Girls! In case you think I’m forgetting the guys.

The Guys were both the coolest;  Calm, not demanding, they tried to please their women; They rocked it!

5. Love

Love does not envy or boast. Love does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends. This is what I saw happen at their double wedding. 2 couples who were unselfish and very loving to each other.

Credit goes to Pastor Brady Courtner for setting the tone right away at the beginning of the ceremony. He created an atmosphere that day, so that each couple not only had a double wedding that was so fun and shared with each other, but he made it 100% special and personal for each of them.  

There’s so much of the talk in our culture that its all about –  ‘My day’  When girls are planning their dream wedding, the idea that ‘It’s my day’, goes completely against the 5 qualities that it takes to share a wedding. It is sort of the height of self-centeredness. But even if you’re not sharing your day with another couple, the 5 qualities that are needed to have a successful double wedding, are the same qualities it takes to have a successful single wedding and a successful marriage. There is no ‘my’ about it.

A wedding is a time for 2 families (3 in our case) to come together to celebrate the joining together of a man and a woman in holy matrimony, to bless them, to celebrate them and to give to them with their time, money and love.

Do you agree with me?

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Mom Shaming

Have you ever been shamed by another Mom, stranger or not; just when you least expected it?  I read this great article, written by a sweet young mother, named Jessica. I know her indirectly through her family. She wrote this great story about her experience with Mom Shaming and I admire her so much.

There are some things about the Mom biz that I find very easy for me. I bet there are things about being a Mom that come naturally to you as well. Some of the Mom duties, that are easy and obvious to me, were probably taught to me by my own mother. I learned some of the tricks of the trade by watching her in action all of my growing up years. Not everyone has the advantage and blessing of having a good Mom, and not everyone has a Mom still available to them as a resource either. The training you get from your own Mom is like your default setting. The things you’ve learned to do from her are things you don’t even have to think about it.

Mom Shaming, Shame on You

When I read Jessica’s article, I didn’t automatically put myself in her place, the young mother with the new baby, the one getting shamed. I have 9 children and I’ve been in the Mom biz for many years. I haven’t been ‘shamed’ for a long time. I instantly put myself in the place of the other mother, doing the shaming. I had this horrible feeling that I might have done some shaming in my time. Please forgive me! I didn’t do it on purpose (like the lady in the story), but I have probably sent out a signal or two that clearly gave out the message that another Mom wasn’t up to par in the mothering department. I’ve probably even given some well-meaning advice that didn’t come across as generously as I’d meant it to be. Please forgive me again! When you have a natural ability in one area, and you see someone else struggling in that same area, it seems hard to believe that anyone could screw it up when it so easy.

On the other hand, if you don’t have a certain natural ability, or learned skill, and someone else does, it seems like they have some kind of super power that you could never have. Everyone struggles with a low self-esteem at times, and no one is good at everything all the time. Being a first time Mom can bring out all your insecurities, because you just can’t know all the right moves for every situation that comes along.

This is where you need to make a decision if another Mom makes you feel badly. Do I take the advice from some other condescending Mom or not? If you are silly enough to be comparing yourself to another, seemingly more accomplished Mom, ask yourself the question: Is it important for me and my family to improve in this area, or am I making myself feel badly about something that isn’t important to us? Then, when some well-meaning lady or not so well-meaning lady butts into your business, you can either, a) humbly learn from the experience and thank her, or b) blow her off; have a good day, lady!

Life as a Mom is full of decisions. Even the skill of being decisive is an ability that doesn’t come naturally to everyone. I’m on your side, Moms. I know you’re doing your best. Hang in there. We’re all in this together🙂

Mom Shamed at Costco!

BTW, what I didn’t tell you, about Jessica, is that she is a first time mom of a sweet, pretty little baby girl. She has recently married a widower and  they have a new baby, and she is also the new step mom of 5 other children. I bet you didn’t expect that, did you? She has more on her plate that a lot of mom’s.I love flowers, they're like a ribbon on top It’s the age old story. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, before you Mom shame them. She’s doing her best and her best is a great job! Proud of you, Girl

 

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Who Are You Sir?!

How in the world could that happen? Sometimes a coincidence is so strange, you wonder how that could happen, or why!

We flew to New Orleans for a business function. Our friends booked the hotel room for us to share while we were in town and told us they would be arriving early, Wednesday or Thursday to have some R & R, and play a little golf. We thought nothing about the arrangements, because they’d handled the rooms in the past.How in the world could that happen, we just want to go to the Dome

Our function was at the Super Dome, downtown New Orleans, and we always stay near the event for the convenience, so when we arrived, naturally, we jumped into a cab and headed to the ‘H.I.’ right across the street from the Dome. We just walked up to the front desk, asked for the key to JB’s room, (names encrypted to protect the innocent, Haha) because we were sharing with them and the desk guy, just hands us the key. When we went up to the room, we were quite surprised to find that the room was perfectly tidy and empty of personal things with no evidence of our friends. We are pretty relaxed and often just go with the flow, so we figured that they changed plans and would show up later. The event wasn’t for a few more hours. So, no big deal, right?

We were a bit tired, so we hopped into bed for a nap. The night would go late; well past midnight, so why not catch up? We were definitely, comfortably asleep, when all of a sudden this incredibly loud, angry pounding sounded on the door, and the voice of a very angry man, yelling through the door.

‘Who are you, Sir and what are you doing in there?’ Are you kidding me? He was actually hollering. Oh my goodness, we just about jumped out of our skin. Why would anyone yell like that through the door? Why wouldn’t he just knock on the door and speak to us?

David jumped up, asked who it was, (good grief, it was the hotel manager – can we say anger issues?) and he told him that he would come down to the front desk and talk to him in 5 minutes. When he came back and told me about the conversation and besides being startled, we just started laughing because it felt like we were in some kind of twilight zone.

David calmly explained to the man that we were sharing a room with JB and his wife, and that the desk clerk gave us the key. Mr. Angry Manager yells in his face that JB checked out that morning and why were we to trying to get into his room? Talk about accusing before getting the facts. We were stunned and didn’t know exactly what to say. Our friends said meet us at the H.I., and we assumed the one by the Dome. Suddenly David thought, is it possible that they could have checked into another H.I. in town? So the manager called another one and found a JB checked in there. Ha, ha, ha,. Talk about a change of attitude on that guy’s part. What on earth did he think we were trying to pull and why wouldn’t he at least ask us first before yelling his head off?

But if you think about it, what are the odds of someone with the same name being at that hotel at the same time as we show up and they still have his name on the list? What are the odds they’d give us a key to check in without confirming with JB that he expected roommates?

Who flies across the country and checks into the wrong hotel with the right name and the desk clerk lets you in and the room is registered to the same name as you’re asking for? How in the world could that happen? I sure don’t know. Too many coincidences to be possible. Isn’t that funny? Well, maybe I only entertain my self, but I have a collection of coincidence stories and most of them have great meaning and valuable lessons, but this story…..just amusing.

I know God loves us, He allows cool things to happen sometimes to bless us, but this experience was just interesting. It certainly gave us something to talk about all weekend. It would be impossible to Coincidencerecreate this series of events, so we just left with our heads shaking and feeling surprised and amused. What we do matters; you matter! I believe we make a difference. Don’t kid yourself; others notice you, even when you don’t know it. But this time, I don’t know if we blessed someone that weekend, or offended someone that weekend, but it was interesting.

Have you ever had anything like this happen? Do you have a coincidence story? I’d love to hear it.

 

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Top 5 Gifts To Give My Children #5

I started a series called the Top 5 Gifts to Give my Children. I had a very clear idea of the Top 4. I was excited to talk about some of the things that we’ve done with our kids and I realized that in the grand scheme of things, the toys and presents that we’ve given have mostly been forgotten. Teaching good character is an important job and everyone of us are growing and developing and what we’ve instilled into our children will last a forever. While I was writing out the 1st 4 gifts, I wasn’t sure of the 5th one. Then I realized that its big. It’s too important and more valuable than anything else. Oh my goodness, I’m not qualified to give this gift in any way, but I will still share it and you can run with it.

The 1st gift of the top 5 gifts is the gift of giving tlearninghem a sincere compliment or well deserved recognition. The power of your words is profound and to use words as a loving and effective tool will shape their dear little lives.

The 2nd gift to give our children is to teach them, and help them practice, how to interact with Top 5 Gifts #2grownups with confidence and respect. This is so important for their future success, because they have to see the chance, seize the chance and break out of their nervousness and put themselves out there to talk to an adult. When they do it, their confidence builds and it will shape them.

top 5 gifts - #3
The 3rd gift of the top 5 gifts is to teach them to be aware of others around them. This teaches them to look outside of their own little self and look at others, and notice ways to give back.

Top 5 Gifts - Make Your BedThe 4th gift that I try to give my babies is the gift of consistency. They know they can count on Mommy to say what I mean and to mean what I say. This builds a very secure world for them. Children push the limits, from toddler to teenager, and when their boundaries are strong, they relax. If discipline is consistent, it will pay off big time for good in their sweet little lives.

I wasn’t sure how to explain #5 gift at first, and it didn’t become clear in my mind until I posted #4 and I got the most lovely compliments and great feedback from some readers that just boosted my confidence and cheered me up. I love the idea that I can offer an experience or share a story that not only resonates with you, but gives you some tips or ideas that renews your hope to regroup and move on with success.

The last gift to give my children is God. No, of course I don’t mean we’ve given our children God. Haha, Calm down 😉  What I mean is that we have taken time, effort, actual hard work and love to try our best to teach our little dears who God really is. I want to instill in them the desire to seek God, the tools to learn who God is and why they would want to seek Him out. I told you I’m not qualified, nor am I a shining example of someone who’s got it figured out, but I can point the way.

Top 5 Gifts #5

I don’t have the words or the ability to give this gift, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and so can you. If you know in your heart of hearts that Jesus is the one who died for you to save you, and that He is God Almighty and loves you and you’re so grateful, then tell them. Tell your little dears, because they need to hear this wonderful news from the most important people in their lives. Your words are powerful, and they are the most powerful to your little precious sweethearts who have been entrusted to you to raise them to success. If you know Jesus, ask Him to help you to communicate this to the kiddos.

On a day to day basis, practically speaking, I’ve arranged my schedule to make some things a priority. Sunday School, Junior High church activities, high school church youth group retreats and mission trips. To do that, it takes planning, money and sacrifice of my time and energy, but what great resources to back me up with what I’m teaching them. These are the activities that I put priority on to help me teach the children, on a regular basis, what’s important in this life. I want them to learn to hear God’s voice more and more as they grow up.

Did you ever wonder if God has actually spoken to you, maybe in a way that a thought came to you and it wasn’t your normal thought process and it was a revelation? I have.

There’s a verse in the bible in the book of Luke: ..To whom much is given, much is required… I’ve heard this verse taught like a warning or admonition. Meaning, I’ve been given so much in life, that I’m required to deserve it by giving back, being responsible, doing my best…lots and lots of work. It felt like a heavy weight. I’ve been given these gifts in life, so I’m required to live in a way that will make payment for them.

Some days, you guys, having the beautiful gift of children feels like so much work and stress, that I have felt like I couldn’t keep going and it made me think about that verse. I have to do a lot of work, tirelessly and gratefully because I’ve been given the beautiful gift of 9 children. What a lovely blessing that I’m working to deserve, right?

You know that the Bible is God’s living word, testifying to us who God is, and there’s deep and continual meaning to it. So I feel like God said to me, you can think about the verse the other way around, ‘To whom much is required, much is given’. Think about it. You’re required to do a lot of work, caring for your dear little babies, teaching young children and trying to manage teenagers, etc. and guess what? At the end of the day, look at what you’re given                  I love flowers, they're like a ribbon on top

I felt like God was saying to me, “I know some days feel like all work, but because you’re required to work, here you go. And when you take a moment to slow down, look at what I’ve given you. I have given you much.”  

Such blessing.

 

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Top 5 Gifts to Give My Children #4

The first gift, on my list of the top 5 gifts, is the gift of giving my little sweethearts a sincere, compliment or recognition.

The second gift was to help them learn how to interact with grownups, with confidence and respect.

The third gift in my top 5 gifts, is to teach them to be aware of others around them.

The fourth gift that I am giving my babies as they grow up is the gift of consistency. This is a quality that I can continue to develop in my life and then demonstrate it to them on a regular basis. I am teaching them by showing them. Being consistent is something that is very comforting because they will know what to expect from me. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when Mama says no, it’s no. My mind will not change, the boundaries are set and it’s important. When I say yes, I will do my best to make it happen or give a rain check, because a yes is a yes.

Top 5 Gifts - Make Your Bed

 

I’ve learned to not rush when I answer them, most of the time. So that means when I tell the kiddos something, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. That’s my standard. If they’ve been naughty, and the punishment is no movie later that evening, there’s no movie. If I promised candy for a treat if…, and they don’t do if…., then there’s no candy. Its simple, its consistent and they can count on me to follow through. I don’t need to yell, I don’t need to get angry, I just need to wait it out, and they will soon learn that I say what I mean and I mean what I say. It is very effective and it has paid off big time. My kids know exactly what to expect.

Sounds simple, right? Sigh, here’s the hard part. Sometimes, I offer them a movie because I wanted to spend time with them and watch a movie together. Sometimes I’ll offer a reward for good behavior, like some candy at the end of shopping. I’m actually anticipating being the wonderful Mommy who treats her babies with special gifts sometimes, and I’m imagining their dear little grateful faces when they receive that highly desired treat, and when I have to say no and deprive them and be the mean Mom, is tough. Its hard for me to follow through because I’m disappointed too. It comes back to my own self discipline again because its for their good. You were afraid I’d say that right?

If you can stay strong, give a reasonable answer or correction, calmly stick to it and don’t have any more discussion or arguing about it, then after a few tries at begging and crying, those little ones will start to realize, Mommy says what she means and she means what she says. Done. No discussion. No yelling. No anger. Just the facts, Ma’am. I actually found this a fairly easy thing to do with young children. The secret is to be calm, be firm and do not discuss it any further. If they keep arguing for their treats, keep quiet. No is no and they will figure out that I’m serious.

The teenagers are the ones that get me when it comes to following through with what I said needs to be done. This is what happens so often. I say to the teenager, ‘You have to make your bed each morning, eat breakfast before school and your room must be tidy or else…,right?’ Very clear, very easy to understand my expectations. They also know, without me having to spell it out, that ‘or else’ means whatever privilege they’re going to ask for will be no if they’ve fallen down on their side of the deal. They will come to me and say, ‘All the other teenagers are going…, and I can get a ride in 10 minutes, Can I go?’

My mind is thinking that this would have given me a quiet evening, the kids will get some energy out of their system,  they’ll have some quality fun with other good kids, they haven’t been out lately, this will be good for them.’ Here comes the hard part. I have to follow through and ask them if they deserve this privilege and have they fulfilled their side of the deal. Here’s the number 1 answer. ‘I was just going to tidy my room and I can get it done in 5 minutes, don’t worry about it.’ They had fallen down on their end but were very willing to do the job when it was worth it to them, rather and being obedient, contributing to the household duties and being consistent.

If my only goal in all of life was to have a tidy house, I could have my little servants working for privileges all day long. The problem is that I am trying to consistently raise quality, responsible adults who will contribute to society and succeed in life. I can’t let them get away with completing their responsibilities, poorly and at the last minute just to get what they want. What does that teach them in the long run? Again, I have to use self discipline, check up on them and give them the yes and we’re all happy for the night, or absolutely not and they’ll learn consistency, from my consistency.  

Get ready because this is when being consistent starts…

Top 5 Gifts
Happy Baby ;)

Doesn’t this all sound ‘no’ fun’ to be consistent? I totally agree, but think about this. The value of consistency works both ways. I will be responsible for their corrections, to the best of my ability, but I hope they realize that I will consistently love them and be there for them when they need me because ultimately, I’ve got your back, babies. ♥ 

You’re going to love this quick video and you will see that I am totally vindicated. ‘Make your bed little dear. Its good for you’. If you want to really be inspired, watch the 2nd link and see the whole video. I love flowers, they're like a ribbon on top

Make Your Bed (Navy Seal – 1:45 min)

Make Your Bed (Navy Seal – 19 min.)

Do you agree with me now?

 

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