The first gift, on my list of the top 5 gifts, is the gift of giving my little sweethearts a sincere, compliment or recognition.
The second gift was to help them learn how to interact with grownups, with confidence and respect.
The third gift in my top 5 gifts, is to teach them to be aware of others around them.
The fourth gift that I am giving my babies as they grow up is the gift of consistency. This is a quality that I can continue to develop in my life and then demonstrate it to them on a regular basis. I am teaching them by showing them. Being consistent is something that is very comforting because they will know what to expect from me. They know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when Mama says no, it’s no. My mind will not change, the boundaries are set and it’s important. When I say yes, I will do my best to make it happen or give a rain check, because a yes is a yes.
I’ve learned to not rush when I answer them, most of the time. So that means when I tell the kiddos something, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. That’s my standard. If they’ve been naughty, and the punishment is no movie later that evening, there’s no movie. If I promised candy for a treat if…, and they don’t do if…., then there’s no candy. Its simple, its consistent and they can count on me to follow through. I don’t need to yell, I don’t need to get angry, I just need to wait it out, and they will soon learn that I say what I mean and I mean what I say. It is very effective and it has paid off big time. My kids know exactly what to expect.
Sounds simple, right? Sigh, here’s the hard part. Sometimes, I offer them a movie because I wanted to spend time with them and watch a movie together. Sometimes I’ll offer a reward for good behavior, like some candy at the end of shopping. I’m actually anticipating being the wonderful Mommy who treats her babies with special gifts sometimes, and I’m imagining their dear little grateful faces when they receive that highly desired treat, and when I have to say no and deprive them and be the mean Mom, is tough. Its hard for me to follow through because I’m disappointed too. It comes back to my own self discipline again because its for their good. You were afraid I’d say that right?
If you can stay strong, give a reasonable answer or correction, calmly stick to it and don’t have any more discussion or arguing about it, then after a few tries at begging and crying, those little ones will start to realize, Mommy says what she means and she means what she says. Done. No discussion. No yelling. No anger. Just the facts, Ma’am. I actually found this a fairly easy thing to do with young children. The secret is to be calm, be firm and do not discuss it any further. If they keep arguing for their treats, keep quiet. No is no and they will figure out that I’m serious.
The teenagers are the ones that get me when it comes to following through with what I said needs to be done. This is what happens so often. I say to the teenager, ‘You have to make your bed each morning, eat breakfast before school and your room must be tidy or else…,right?’ Very clear, very easy to understand my expectations. They also know, without me having to spell it out, that ‘or else’ means whatever privilege they’re going to ask for will be no if they’ve fallen down on their side of the deal. They will come to me and say, ‘All the other teenagers are going…, and I can get a ride in 10 minutes, Can I go?’
My mind is thinking that this would have given me a quiet evening, the kids will get some energy out of their system, they’ll have some quality fun with other good kids, they haven’t been out lately, this will be good for them.’ Here comes the hard part. I have to follow through and ask them if they deserve this privilege and have they fulfilled their side of the deal. Here’s the number 1 answer. ‘I was just going to tidy my room and I can get it done in 5 minutes, don’t worry about it.’ They had fallen down on their end but were very willing to do the job when it was worth it to them, rather and being obedient, contributing to the household duties and being consistent.
If my only goal in all of life was to have a tidy house, I could have my little servants working for privileges all day long. The problem is that I am trying to consistently raise quality, responsible adults who will contribute to society and succeed in life. I can’t let them get away with completing their responsibilities, poorly and at the last minute just to get what they want. What does that teach them in the long run? Again, I have to use self discipline, check up on them and give them the yes and we’re all happy for the night, or absolutely not and they’ll learn consistency, from my consistency.
Get ready because this is when being consistent starts…♥
Doesn’t this all sound ‘no’ fun’ to be consistent? I totally agree, but think about this. The value of consistency works both ways. I will be responsible for their corrections, to the best of my ability, but I hope they realize that I will consistently love them and be there for them when they need me because ultimately, I’ve got your back, babies. ♥
You’re going to love this quick video and you will see that I am totally vindicated. ‘Make your bed little dear. Its good for you’. If you want to really be inspired, watch the 2nd link and see the whole video.
Do you agree with me now?