1. My friends will be too busy to have time to hang out with me when I have a baby; And I’d be too busy for them. I probably had more than 5 fears of being a stay at home Mom, but losing friends was definitely one of them. Most of our friends were in college or starting their careers when we had our first baby and I chose to postpone my college and be a stay at home mom, but it was a difficult decision. Sometimes I didn’t feel like I was accomplishing anything or moving forward like my friends. They were doing things for fun and work and I wanted to be doing things too; whatever those things were. Sometimes I didn’t feel as valuable as those women who seemed to be out there accomplishing something. No one in our group of friends thought that having a baby would be the cutest thing ever, and that we should all stay home and have our lives revolve around someone’s new little kid. I guess my fear was that my friends wouldn’t respect me and would move on and that I wouldn’t have anything in common with them. You know what it did after all. I said, Forget about it. Our baby is going everywhere with us and we didn’t miss an event. We trained him to travel and be flexible and we had so much fun, with and without friends. With a little bit of extra effort, we had all the fun we wanted, sometimes till all hours. Then in the mornings, I had a lovely, quiet easy start to my day with just a sweet little baby at home with me and no daycare, no stress and no boss at work.
2. My husband won’t respect me. This is an unreasonable fear, but I was afraid that staying at home and not going into a job everyday might make me brain dead and not very interesting. Maybe I watched too many movies, but I imagined my husband out in the world having an exciting time, learning all kinds of new things and meeting many new people. And there I’d be, at home with a newborn to talk to and no chance to be interesting. Then he’d come home and be bored with me. Ridiculous! a) My husband loves to be home and couldn’t wait to be with us at the end of his day, and since our day was less stressful, and I was able to arrange our time the way we wanted, we were happy to have him come home too. b) I had so much more time to learn as many new things as I wanted and to do so much more because I was in control of my own schedule. Probably going off to his work every day wasn’t quite as much fun as I imagined anyway. I must remember the 5 reasons to be a stay at home mom.
3. I won’t be able to afford nice things. This is not as selfish a fear as its sounds. Having nice things doesn’t necessarily mean that you want tons of stuff for yourself. I’ll never forget, when we were a little younger and a little poorer, I wished so much that I could go to the store and buy new sheets, comforters, blankets, towels, dishtowels and tablecloths and not even think about price. To me that sounded like a really beautiful way to make our house just so much warmer and prettier and more comfortable. I thought it would look so much cleaner and modern too. It was a silly wish, but I knew it would benefit everyone and it would make our house more pleasant.
If you’re used to more than one income in your household, it’s a serious consideration to hold back some of the fun spending that you used to do before children. Then you discover my best friend Pinterest and you get really creative and learn to make your life lovely. Things are not very important anyway compared to the joy and quality of life of being home with your little dears.
4. I’ll be Bored or lonely. Seriously, this is a possibility. We lived in a high rise apartment in Toronto with our first baby and it was such an effort to go out with strollers and diaper bags filled up for the day. Then we had to maneuver our stuff onto buses and subways, so I’d just opt to stay home. Sometimes the days were long and with no one to talk to, it was so quiet that soap operas started to sound appealing. Experience is an awesome teacher. Necessity is the mother of invention. I grew up at this point and started to learn what was important in my life. I learned to make time for friends some days, and other days I learned to appreciate how valuable it was to be able to be home with a precious little one. I was given the privilege of those valuable years and they are irreplaceable.
5. I’ll lose my sense of fashion. As if I had one in the first place;) If you’re like me at all, having a baby really sap your energy. I found pregnancy and caring for newborns, pretty much all consuming. It took my time, energy and sometimes my mind. Gone were the long of hours of poring over fashion magazines, watching style shows and shopping at the mall. When we moved to our little town, I could see very clearly that the people who lived there, didn’t quite keep up with the high styles in Toronto. Now, I hardly notice the difference. Do you feel the same way? Years down the road now, I have learned, ‘Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.’ Proverbs 31:30 It reminds me that fashion isn’t important, its just fun.
Do you have happy reasons to be a stay at home, or do you struggle with some fears of being a stay at home mom?